The Overflow Is a Lie

I’ve Stopped Pretending Otherwise

You’ve probably heard it a hundred times:
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
Nice sentiment. A true Pinterest classic.
But out here? In this industry? It’s a full-blown lie.
We pour empty.
Day after day.

We patch our darkest moments in garnish.
Wipe sweat off with dish towels.
We make emotional change out of loose smiles, while giving things no one asked for.
We’re bleeding. Because people need it.
We keep pouring. Because people ask.
There are times we walk into the lie because we want it all to work.
But here’s the rub:
No one tells you what to do when the cup breaks.

The Cost of Always Giving

This past month was Education Month.
A celebration of new professionals. A chance to pass on wisdom.
And also, proof that even the shiniest newly poured
already bleed a little.

I saw leaders running on fumes.
I saw mid-career folks numbed, even with their fancy awards.
I heard colleagues whisper things like:
“I don’t remember the last time I felt okay for a shift.”
That isn’t okay.
It’s not a soft patch we can sew on the coat collar.

Because thinking that the greatness of hospitality workers is infinite…
that we run on nothing but self-sacrifice?
If we’re praising self-loss but not boundaries
If every win is rewarded with “what’s next?” while our insides scream “no”?

That’s martyrdom parading as leadership.

The Responsibility of the Full Cup

Here’s what I’ve learned:
Leadership doesn’t mean having all the answers.
It means saying, “I don’t have it today either. But I showed up.”
It means, “Help me stir this.”
It means, “Only the edge of the plate matters. Let’s figure it out together.”

It means choosing to rest when it isn’t safe.
It means admitting to burnout.
It means watching someone stumble
and not asking how could they? but how far are we all from the same edge?

We’re not built to break quietly in the dark.
And yet, I still watch people brag-post on socials:
“Just did my fifth double this week!”
But I’m not impressed by watching pain flex.

The Myth of Grit

Grit has become hospitality’s golden badge.
You broke your back and still made it to pre-shift?
You earned your stripes.

You smiled through heartbreak and turned it into a round of shots?
That’s “the life.”

Except it isn’t.

At some point, grit without care just becomes erosion.
And we all get washed out.

We don’t just need more talent in this industry.
We need more softness.
We need more checking in.
We need more people who will say: You okay? Before they say: What time do you clock in?”

You Don’t Have to Earn Care

Our Education Month was real. It wasn’t for hospitality savants.
It wasn’t fancy. No balloon arch. No lies either.
Just food, connection, rented spaces, and the hope that someone felt seen.

That’s what was radical.

That’s how we rise: quietly, steadily, and together.

So, if you’re reading this and your hands are shaking from too much coffee and not enough sleep?
If you’ve told a guest a lie and said “of course!” while inside, you were collapsing?

You’re allowed to ask for help.
You’re allowed to stop.
You’re allowed to keep pushing.
You’re allowed to do all three in the same week.

We Were Meant to Pour from the Saucer

There’s a phrase I heard in a seminar recently:
“We are not meant to pour from our cup. We are meant to pour from the saucer underneath it.”

That means you can’t be expected to give
unless someone is also helping you fill up again.

That doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you a leader.

Because if we don’t model care from the top down,
we’re just creating a new version of the same old trauma pipeline-
shiny on the outside, rotting from burnout within.

I’m not interested in burnout parades.
I’m here for collective rebuilding.
I’m here for nap-positive leadership.
I’m here for the version of this industry where everyone gets to go home whole.

Even if they didn’t hit their sales goals.
Even if they needed help.
Even if they walked away from the edge
because something finally stopped with the lie and told them:

“You don’t have to be in pieces to be part of this.”

We keep showing up.

Let’s make sure we’re still standing when we do.

A companion reflection, “The Lie We Drink From,” lives now in Shift Notes – where the myth turns inward.

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